It's 1am now. Everyone has gone to sleep, and I'm wide awake.
As a result of reading the book 'Chocolat' I started craving chocolate, and went straight down to the kitchen and fixed myself a warm cup of rich hot chocolate.
The house was so still, not a single sound was heard. Even the cats have gone to sleep. I found myself shivering. Not because its freezing, and my warmest PJ's are not warm enough, but at the thought of being alone. Alone in a huge, dark house. I remembered the dream I had last night. A loved one died, and I was weeping. Someone told me that if you get to a certain level of despair, you will be able to talk to the deceased, and see them. I was still weeping. I saw the faint figure of my loved one, gliding down the stairs, wearing a green robe. It felt strange, to be able to see and communicate, yet not be able to touch. I woke up and found tears on my cheeks, and my pillow wet. I have never lost a person who was that close to me before, I don't know how it will feel like in real life. Because now I know how it feels like in dreams, and in dreams I can still talk to them and see them, even if they were ghosts. I can't say that I hope not to lose someone, because eventually I will, and it scares the hell out of me. I will feel alone. I will feel that life has lost its meaning, if only for a while, until that person becomes a memory, and a few photographs.... and I don't want them to be pushed aside in my dusty book of memories, and remembered occasionally, and pushed back again to rot in the dusty book till eternity.... I really don't want it to be like that.