Wednesday, December 16, 2009

A Thought After Midnight

It's 1am now. Everyone has gone to sleep, and I'm wide awake.
As a result of reading the book 'Chocolat' I started craving chocolate, and went straight down to the kitchen and fixed myself a warm cup of rich hot chocolate.
The house was so still, not a single sound was heard. Even the cats have gone to sleep. I found myself shivering. Not because its freezing, and my warmest PJ's are not warm enough, but at the thought of being alone. Alone in a huge, dark house. I remembered the dream I had last night. A loved one died, and I was weeping. Someone told me that if you get to a certain level of despair, you will be able to talk to the deceased, and see them. I was still weeping. I saw the faint figure of my loved one, gliding down the stairs, wearing a green robe. It felt strange, to be able to see and communicate, yet not be able to touch. I woke up and found tears on my cheeks, and my pillow wet. I have never lost a person who was that close to me before, I don't know how it will feel like in real life. Because now I know how it feels like in dreams, and in dreams I can still talk to them and see them, even if they were ghosts. I can't say that I hope not to lose someone, because eventually I will, and it scares the hell out of me. I will feel alone. I will feel that life has lost its meaning, if only for a while, until that person becomes a memory, and a few photographs.... and I don't want them to be pushed aside in my dusty book of memories, and remembered occasionally, and pushed back again to rot in the dusty book till eternity.... I really don't want it to be like that.


Unique Muslimah said...

I know what you mean sis....I'm terrified of loosing a loved one too, I think I'll be paralysed and my world will stop...may Allah protect our loved ones and keep them healthy and alive for us...

Mariam said...

Thanks Unique!! Ameen, may Allah protect them all :)